Aino Minako-chan

Dear Japan Meteorological Agency,

Thanks for the EMERGENCY GIANT EARTHQUAKE warning this morning that turned out to be a total false alarm. It's the first one I've ever seen, and due to the rather dire message of "Duck and cover!" I dove for my doorway faster than I expected to move at 6:30 in the morning. Plus: Your alert system works! Minus: Your predictions apparently suck. Oh well. Halfway there!

Love and kisses,

Minako-chan

---

Funny but true: Cracked had this satirical article about North Korea and, I kid you not, I completely misread the title. I seriously thought that it said, "Many Glorious Pantsuits In Which North Korea Is Clearly Best." I read the entire article thinking to myself, "How come there's not more about the pantsuits?" It's an easy mistake to make, clearly.

---

The following is an absolutely hysterical little comic strip that I [heart], about a nubile mermaid and a lanky lad. And a magical dolphin with eyebrows. Oh, it cracks me up. Read it!

http://binsybaby.livejournal.com/640237.html

---

Tomorrow is my birthday. [shifty eyes] Yeay!

This has been making its way around the internets, but I just hate to think that anyone would miss the hilarity. Disclaimer: I love Bonnie Tyler's song "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's one of those big epic over-the-top rock ballads. Little Minako-chan used to turn it up on the radio and watch the video on MTV, that's how much I liked the song. Having said that, the video makes no freaking sense. It's honestly just mind-bogglingly weird. There's fencers and shirtless schoolboys and a very literal take on the lyrics "Turn around bright eyes". It's just SO weird.

Which is why the LITERAL version of the video, in which the original lyrics are replaced by descriptions of the video, is so good. I weep with laughter every time I see this video.

( The Original Version )

( The Literal Version )

In conclusion, it's still a great song, but the video, wtf?

I saw him again! As I mentioned twice before, there's an awesome guy at my gym. And today, while walking around in Shinjuku, I think I saw him again! Okay, so I was walking along, and I saw this person from the back. At first, I thought it was a middle-aged woman, but the outfit... yellow turtleneck, yellow socks, Birkenstocks, and teeny TEENY khaki shorts that not only displayed rather significant amounts of ass cleavage, but also appeared to be giving the world's most painful-looking wedgie. As this person also had long hair tied into a side ponytail (with a hairband attached to a giant pink flower) and was also carrying a purse that (although I wasn't close enough to see the entire pattern) would have likely worked as a purse for My Little Pony or Care Bears, I assumed that said person was a woman. But then, as said person turned a corner, I caught a glimpse of this person's profile, and there was a rather significant beard. I couldn't tell for sure if it was actually gym guy, but I'd be rather frightened if there was more than one of him hanging around Shinjuku.

---

Some videos I should mention... There's a commercial for Combat (a cockroach insecticide) that never fails to make me howl with laughter:

( Cut for the YouTube embedded version. )

You can watch the YouTube version (bigger but low quality) or you can visit the web site (teeny but high quality). Long story short, it's got the Johnny's-related idol group Butokan doing a very idol version of this insecticide commercial, and it ends with a very dramatic, "Gokuburi (cockroach), to the heaven." Seriously, I WEEP with laughter.

---

Also, http://www.dothetest.co.uk/ has a new version of their awareness videos. The original one "Basketball" is still incredible, but the new version "Whodunnit?" is equally pretty awesome.

---

Finally, my parents are currently in Hawaii visiting relatives, and they went to my cousin's graduation. Now, Hawaiian graduations are always celebrated by giving the graduate leis. Basically everyone the graduate knows sends a lei, so every graduate can end with piles of flowers. (Even I, when I graduated in Colorado, ended up with two fresh flower leis and a ribbon lei from relatives.) Monday is Memorial Day in the US. (For non-Americans, this is the day for commemorating soldiers who died in battle. A separate day, Veterans Day, is set aside for other veterans.) In honor of Memorial Day, a large veterans cemetary in Punchbowl (Honolulu) asked for donated leis, as they cover each grave in a lei. They needed 50,000 leis. They apparently now have too many leis, but they're still collecting anyway. My mom said that at my cousin's graduation, they had a box near the exit. Anyone who wanted to donate the leis after the pictures and all were over could drop the leis off in the box. Sounds amazing... I'd like to see that.

Okay, I've got to ask because I've heard about it on other people's blogs and on news sites and even from my freaking parents... Susan Boyle. Am I seriously the only one who didn't start weeping and having a life changing experience upon hearing her sing? I mean, she's a good singer, and if she were at my karaoke night, I'd cheer nice and loud. But it wasn't exactly the best performance of "I Dreamed a Dream" that I'd ever heard, and I wasn't that impressed, and I certainly wasn't anywhere near tears. (Then again, I was also never impressed by Paul Potts two years ago, either.) It makes me wonder if maybe I'm cold-hearted (although I cry at half of the movies I see), or if maybe I'm some sort of elitist music snob (always a possiblity). So, have a poll!

Poll #1385024 It's like a poll you'd write in middle school:
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 21

Do you like Susan Boyle Y/N?

---

In other news of a video that DID get me choked up, I watched the latest "Harry Potter & tHBP" trailer, and I was doing fine until the end of the trailer when they showed obviously end-of-the-movie Snape scenes, and I started getting teary-eyed. It's just [SNIFF!] all so very sad, and I will likely blubber like a baby at the end of the movie. July 17th in Japan, gotta mark my calendar!!

A couple of Daily Show links so I don't lose them:

The one where Al Sharpton didn't show up, but they interviewed him anyway. Classic.
The Banana Episode. If you've seen it, you'll know why it's called that.
The Pancake-and-Sausage-on-a-Stick plus Baconnaise Lite. Come for the political commentary, stay for the gross-out food combination.

On a side note, I was thinking about it, and I realized that I'm actually quite the long-time viewer of The Daily show. I watched The Daily Show back in the day that Craig Kilborn hosted, back when their news stories tended to be gawker-esque weird stories (lots of UFO hunters and foil hats and Bigfoot) and they had classic segments like "the weekend's top grossing films, converted into lira". (Note: It depresses me to think that A) kids these days won't remember this segment, and B) kids these days probably won't remember lira.) I actually remember when Kilborn left and Jon Stewart stepped in; I was SO pissed. Here was this guy who I only knew from a failed talk show on MTV (a talk show on MTV! MTV will show anything and they cancelled his show!) taking over one of my favorite shows. He even stopped asking interview guests the infamous five questions; I nearly boycotted right there. And now look... Oh the irony.

---

I realize that this article about online child predators shouldn't be funny, but the beginning of the article nearly made me howl with laughter:

[The special agent, posing as a 14-year-old boy,] claimed he was into weightlifting, AC/DC and muscle magazines.

OMG, and you're wondering why people doubt that you're actually 14? Do you honestly think that the average American teenaged boy is listening to AC/DC?

I have to share this fruit-flavored gum commercial starring Johnny's group KAT-TUN. It never fails to make me laugh:



To translate roughly, it goes like this:

KAT-TUN looks very cool, but inside their mouthes, they're-
Ve--ry fruity!!

That's right! KAT-TUN is fruity in their mouths! I howl with laughter every single time it comes on TV. Talk about meaning getting lost in translation...

I'm attempting to set a record for "topics that you will never ever see together in any other blog post." (^_^)v

High School Musical 3
John and I went to see the High School Musical movie in the theater on Sunday. I thought it would at least be unintentionally entertaining like past HSM movies, but it was also more intentionally entertaining than I thought it would be. Long story short, they apparently spent all of their money on big set pieces and dance boot camp. The choreography was very well done (not a single scene involved running over a golf course!!), so my dancer heart loved it. Plus, it's always fun when you can play "predict the choreography". (Like, "You know what? In this scene, I'd totally do a back roll into the splits. ...And they did it! AWESOME!") My biggest problem had to be one of the new characters, who was so annoying that I had to restrain the urge to leap into the screen and strangle him (possibly while screaming, "And cut your hair, you shaggy freak!!"). Seriously, don't even talk to me about whatshisname.

Demon's Souls
John's video game came out last week! John works for From Software, which put out the surprise hit Demon's Souls last week, so I picked it up. Look! Those wavy effects from my screaming dead soul? John did that!! I keep hearing that it's a horrendously difficult game, but it's really not that bad. I mean, I'm a HORRIBLE action gamer (I need cheats to beat all Resident Evil games, although this is partially because I jump at the drop of a hat and have a tendancy to start screaming when zombie doggies chase after me, at which point Mako-chan tends to start shouting, "You're immortal, Minako-chan! Just shoot them!"), so I was expecting to die right away, but I'm actually doing okay for the first runthrough. I've died twice so far; once I fell down a hole (I assumed that it was the right way to go, so I flung myself over the edge; whoops), and once I just accidentally ran into an enemy at the wrong time. But still! That's pretty awesome for me. I've only played about half of the first level, but I'm enjoying the game so far. Plus, you can customize your character by selecting one of 10 classes, and then using complicated Sims-esque controls to tweek your character's look. Therefore, my character Minako is a sexy, dark-skinned, white-haired holy knight. Go go Minako! (I also put away my shield so that I could just use my halberd two-handed... I'm not very good at blocking or parrying, so I'm just putting my money on strong offense to save the day. The halberd has a long reach, which can get dangerous in close quarters, but it means that I can kill things before they get within their own sword range.) I may change my mind later on, but so far, I honestly recommend it. Nothing like hacking at baddies to lower your stress.

Teriyaki Boyz
I watched the video for their song "Work That" while at the gym on Saturday, and I still can't decide what I feel about it. On one hand, it's a rather catchy song that I've had stuck in my head since then. On the other hand it's, well... See the video for yourself. Warning: Not safe for work. Or children. Or possibly your parents.

Okay, see what I mean? I vacillate between honestly insulted and genuinely amused depending on the time of day. As insulting as I find it, it's SO over the top that it starts to get pretty tongue-in-cheek funny after a while. Plus, the song is pretty catchy. I don't know. Decide for me!

Poll #1347201 More choices than you can shake an ass at!
Open to: All, detailed results viewable to: All, participants: 11

So, what do you think?

I know that it's totally not polite to laugh at people's economic woes, but this AP photo that I saw on Yahoo News today made me laugh. I have never seen a face so full of economic woe in my life. It's pretty awesome.

( Oh woe, woe is he... )

I've been surprisingly busy the past two weeks or so. I'm leaving this weekend for a trip to Greece with kinomakoto, and I'm super excited. My laundry isn't quite done and my apartment probably won't get cleaned before I go, but I'm basically ready. Hurray! Excitement!

---

A few weeks ago, I was watching one of the millions of animal related TV shows in Japan, and they showed an edited version of a clip known as ( Battle at Kruger. )

---

Before Crisis, the Final Fantasy VII cell phone game, just came out for my current model of cell phone, so I said "What the hell!" and I downloaded it. ( Cut for those who don't really care. ^_^ )

---

( Cut for those who actually care about my previous poll... )

---

( And in completely random news... )

Three videos that I've gotten hooked on recently:

• Carry On Wayward Son, as performed by a Japanese girl on Electone. It's pretty awesome. Bonus points for the hysterically dry Japanese MC and audience.
• Where the Hell is Matt? is just a happy-making video. I possibly got a bit verklempt while watching. [sniff sniff] Shut up! So I'm a leetle girl!
• Kiwi is an animated web video that I'm sure many people have already seen, but it never fails to make me sqeak a bit. It's phenomenal... it's like a Pixar story written by Japanese screenwriters.

---

So I went to Roppongi two weeks ago to watch Indiana Jones with a friend. I loved it, of course (I'll keep watching until Indy's hobbling along on his walker). Here are a few of my spoilery thoughts for anyone who's actually managed to miss it:

( Indy Jones, how are you so awesome? )

---

In other news, I possibly accidentally bought myself a big new TV last weekend. Ummm.... yeah. It was just one of those things where I had just received my summer bonus and I was thinking about how my current TV is failing me and there was a sale, and before I knew it, I had made a snap decision to buy a TV. I mean, I never budget for bonuses so it's not like I can't afford it, but still. I'm usually fiscally responsible (except when it comes to electronics)! I swear!! [sigh] I feel weak. I seriously need to stay away from the freaking electronics store. It's dangerous.

---

Finally, I almost wish that I had a video iPod now, because Square-Enix just released a new game called Song Summoner. From what I can tell, it looks like Square's version of Monster Rancher, but with music straight from your playlist. It looks pretty awesome. Who can resist the urge to see what kind of fighter Mini-Moni's Hamuzu no Uta will produce? It's relatively cheap, so if anyone has a video-compatible iPod, download it and tell me how it is!

I feel like it's been a long month. My boss took his week-long vacation to Israel, and all of us tend to get lost when he's gone, so I worked some long-ish nights that week. Then on Monday, I had to take the morning off of work to get my yearly physical done. (Top things that you don't want to hear in the doctor's office: "Sorry!" "Oh dear." "Ganbatte kudasai!" For cereal. >_<) Plus, we received homework at work. In order to receive our bonuses, we have to copy out, by hand, the 65 pages of our 2008 company plan booklet. It's seriously enough to make a girl cry. I'm trying to do 30 minutes after work each day, but then I'll have to step up the pace to get it done this weekend. It's absolutely horrible, and my hand's been cramping for two days straight.

Anyway, here are some links to stuff that's made me smile:

• Muppet Troy! And other inspired responses to our movie-remake contest. By Dana Stevens

A little article from The Slate had two movie-remake ideas that made me laugh:

[...] "I, Robot with Christian Bale in the lead role, because I'd be curious to see if Bale would have his arm surgically replaced with a robotic arm to prepare for the role."

This is awesome mainly becuase I think Christian Bale would actually do it. Method for the win! But the best movie remake idea was obviously:

I would remake Troy with the Muppets, in the belief that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy would add more gravitas to the story as Achilles and Helen than the living actors did. I would use a nearly identical script but include Statler and Waldorf (the two grumpy old guys in the balcony) so that they could read from the Iliad and note where the script favors plot points lifted from Steve Reeves and Michael Bay movies instead of Homer. Unlike the original, Muppet Troy would also allow for kid-friendly merchandising, such as Baby's First Trojan Horse.

• LIT 101 CLASS IN THREE LINES OR LESS. by Ben Joseph

This was a little find from McSweeney's. Most were fairly funny, but it was the following that killed me:

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.
THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.
C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

I think that last line is my new catch phrase.

• Have other people seen this? http://www.dothetest.co.uk/ It's a really great video that works best when you don't know what it's about. Just follow the instructions and count carefully. If you do this right, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.


• Infinite Undiscovery is an RPG being published by Square Enix for the Xbox 360. It looks like a fairly standard RPG so far, but the reason why I already adore it is the title. It's like the developers went, "We need to make an RPG for the Xbox that is totally not like Final Fantasy. So not 'final'.. It'll be... infinite! Infinite Fantasy! No, Infinite Unfantasy!! No no, I've got it, Infinite UNDISCOVERY!" Seriously, doesn't the title sound like something that was the result of a late night meeting involving way too much beer and someone repeating the phrase "Final Fantasy" one too many times?


• Sakamoto Maaya's latest single Triangular (the "Macross F" anime theme song) has been doing surprisingly well on the single charts, but the reason why I bring it up is because on my morning TV show, they said something about how she's become more and more famous thanks to her musical roles. So I looked it up quickly... Turns out she was one of the actresses who played the roll of Eponine in Les Mis from 2003-2007. Huh, go Sakamoto Maaya! And you mean I missed a chance to hear her as Eponine? Damn.


• As mentioned on kinomakoto's LJ, THEY'RE MAKING A HERE IS GREENWOOD TV DRAMA. Oh be still my beating heart. Greenwood is one of my favorite anime and manga of all time, so I am super-de-duper excited. Having said that... I already disagree with the casting of Shun, and I seriously doubt that anything can change my mind. I honestly think that they should have cast a female actress (for those who don't know the series, the entire joke about Shun is that he looks (and acts, for the most part) exactly like a really cute girl; the lead character Suka-chan rooms with Shun for several days before figuring it out, and that's only because he finally walks in on Shun at a urinal). I'm sure that the guy playing Shun is perfectly nice, but it's tough when you think that they cast a character as the wrong SEX. But the guy playing Suka-chan is cute like a bunny, so we'll see.


• Just when I think that I'm starting to get used to living in Japan... Without talking too much about the show, I was watching this normally funny "talk with celebrities" program, and they were discussing "kawaii" and women being cute. Anyway, they had three examples (sent in from actual viewers) on the topic "Things that I do to make myself seem cuter": Purposely walking slow behind a guy and complaining, before jogging up and tugging on his sleeve; pretending to get caught in clothing while taking off sweaters or whatever; making expressive little hand gestures to emphasize emotions like sadness or shock.
  
  I would just like to say that these are not only all actions that annoy me, these are all actions that actually make me raging mad. Every. Single. One. I was ready to hit something just after watching the little reenactment videos. That, or start screaming, "OMG, it's your fault that women can't advance in the workplace!" My rage almost overwhelmed my desire to start sobbing on behalf of double-X chromosomes everywhere. I felt ill after watching this little comedy program. Honestly ill. Don't make me smack a bitch, Japan! I'll do it! I totally totally will! Minako-chan smash!!


• In better news, Superfly's new album hit #1 on the charts. I adore Superfly. She's this teeny girl with massive vocal power who reminds you more of Janis Joplin or Grace Slick or some other 60's powerhouse vocalist. I quite like her; I have a soft spot for teeny powerhouses (see: TMR). Go go Superfly!

• OH SWEET BABY JESUS I JUST GOT PROM PHOTOS FROM MY LITTLE COUSIN. I AM OFFICIALLY OLD. Honestly, if you had asked me how old he was last week, I would have said 11. It's SCARY.

• I've also been in bodily pain a lot recently. (lol) Ever since high school, I've had an unfortunate tendency to hyperextend my left knee if I overstretch, and that's exactly what I did at the gym last week. (stupid knees...) Then we had our annual bowling tournament at work (okay individual score; top team score for the win!), and then yesterday I ended up wandering all around Tokyo looking for a birthday present for my Mom. (Well, present for Mommy, from Daddy. I still have to get my own present tomorrow. ;-_-) And did I mention that I was carting books around all day, too? Long story short, I woke up sore all over. Tomorrow's a holiday, but I need to do more cleaning and shopping for Mommy's visit, so I don't think there'll be much relaxing. Le sigh... It's so tough being a grown up. ^_^

• I was trying to come up with a name for a color at work, so I ended up visiting the Crayola homepage, followed by a brilliant Wikipedia page showing all of the Crayola crayon colors, and I gotta tell you, I was kinda shocked. Did you know that they got rid of Raw Umber? (I fondly remember organizing Raw Umber and Raw Sienna next to Burnt Sienna and Burnt Orange, even though the colors really weren't close enough in appearance to warrent such an order...) Or that they replaced Maize with Dandelion? (Dude, the only reason why I knew what maize was as a kid was entirely due to my love of the color!!) And the new colors introduced since the 90's tend to have horrible, HORRIBLE names like "Wild Watermelon" or "Mauvelous" or "Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown" (SHOOT ME NOW). There is also, interestingly enough, the horrifically named color "Beaver", which just makes me bite my lip and try not to giggle. What are you doing to my childhood obsession, Crayola?

Has everyone seen this? http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/ It's Garfield, without Garfield, and it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Brilliant.

---

I also read that the final Harry Potter book will be broken into two movies so that they don't have to worry about cutting out information. I will fully admit that my first thought was, "Oh, that is a horrible horrible idea." I understand what producer David Heyman says about it being difficult to cut anything from the book. It's the last book, afterall, so there's no time to slip information into the story at a later point. But making two movies out of the book sounds absolutely horrid.

( More about Harry Potter... )

---

In random Japan news, there have been recent articles about proposed revisions to the bicyling rules, which actually involve fewer changes and more crack downs on unsafe riding practices, such as wearing headphones, talking on the phone, or holding an umbrella. The reason these changes have been coming up in the news, however, have been because of the crackdown on people who ride with three people on one bicyle: one adult riding with a kid in a back basket and another kid a front basket.

( More about bicycles in Japan... )

Vacation is almost here, and I'm so excited!

( Flying Excitement! )

( Family Excitement! )

( Work Excitement! (Part I) )

( Work Excitement! (Part II) )

( Variety Show Excitement! )

( Net Excitement! )

Well, I turned another year older on Sunday. Happy Birthday to me! In celebration, johnabe invited me over for a Wii party. (Technically, it was a Wii-and-Xbox-360 party, but that doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily.) Wii Sports was fun (I wasn't particularly good at any of them, but I completely wore myself out boxing and managed to hit a homerun in baseball), and John showed me some things on the 360, including the demo for the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix game (I basically spent the entire time levitating benches and then hurling them into characters) and something really psychadelic involving lots of bright lights and a giraffe.

To celebrate, I present two links for your viewing pleasure.

1. WILL PLUTO PREVAIL?
As I noted previously, poor Pluto was demoted from its planetary status, but now, could the Pluto supporters be gaining ground!? Basically the entire debate makes me laugh, so I am fully willing to follow any and all Pluto news to the end.

2. The best commercial, EVER.
The 6th season of "24" is about to come out on DVD in Japan, and the commercials are simply awesome. In a nutshell: clips play as the Japanese voice actor for Jack Bauer (Koyama Rikiya, for those who are interested), sings a triumphant song entitled, "I am Jack Bauer." I found the following YouTube clip that includes two extended versions of the commercial. (FYI, each of the two extended versions include four of the TV-sized commercials.)

( Click here for the clip and hastily translated lyrics. Seriously. Best commercial, EVER. )

I haven't been doing too much lately. Mainly work, intercut with Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side: 1st Love for Nintendo DS. TokiMemo love!! I've been mainly processing the guidebook into easier, web-based form (No seriously! TokiMemo takes lots of serious planning! For reals!) so I've gotten to play with charts and css and everyone's been happy.

• Face masks
  Anyway, I was sick last week, and so I wore a pink face mask to work. Most foreigners in Japan immediately notice that people on trains or in public places sometimes wear what looks like surgical face masks. Often people think that it's to keep pollutants and pollen and germs out, but actually most of the time, it's used to keep germs IN. More than anything else, wearing a mask is the way to tell people around you, "I'm not feeling well. Pity me." If you're sniffling and coughing and bleeding from your ears, you're just uncouth and gross. If you're slightly red-eyed and wearing a mask, suddenly everyone is asking your if you're feeling alright, and telling you not to stress yourself. It's magic!!
  
• Open urinals
  I read this article the other day, and it made me laugh. It's called "Going Abroad", and it's about bathrooms for travelers around the world. Anyway, one of my favorite comments about bathrooms was this: Or the thoroughfare arrangement, in which female customers have to walk past the urinals to get to their toilet, as I've seen in Japan.
  
  This reminded me of one year at a fireworks festival with johnabe. We just happened to find a location that, while upwind, had a perfectly clear view of the portable toilets. And among the row of portable toilets, we had the best view of the portable urinals. Hysterically enough, the portable urinals had NO DOORS, so it was basically just a step up from peeing into a bush. John and I were laughing hysterically at the fact that the urinals were positioned proudly in the middle of the fireworks festival for anyone who wanted to pee in front of hundreds of screaming kids and friendly couples.
  
• Medieval tech support
  My sister sent me this link. It's apparently a clip from a Norwegian sketch comedy show, subtitled in English and Dutch. For that reason alone, the clip is awesome, but the sketch is pretty amusing. Check it out!

johnabe posted a Youtube clip a few days ago that actually reminded me that I had been meaning to hunt down and share a wonderful series of Tommy Lee Jones commercials that aired in Japan for Boss, the canned coffee drink. I think they're hysterical, and since John already found them for me, I thought I'd share.

The commercials are an odd crossover between "Men In Black" and, well, Tommy Lee Jones. The basic "plot" involves an alien, "Jones-san", who is currently studying Earth by taking menial jobs, and then drinking Boss coffee after a hard day's work.

Jones-san, the warehouse employee
The boss introduces the new employee, "Jones-san". Jones comments that Earthlings are obsessed with working hard. An old sempai shows Jones-san the ropes, then compliments him on a job well done.

Jones-san, the Deliveryman
Part 1
Part 2
Jones-san, the deliveryman, comments that Earthlings put a lot of emphasis on speed and wonders why they have to hurry so much. But, he notes at the end, the parking laws are very strict.

Jones-san, the Karaoke attendent
Jones-san complains about the endless noise that these Earthlings seem to call music. But Enka-singer Yashiro Aki makes him cry.

Jones-san, the newbie Host
Jones-san muses that Earthlings enjoy competition and assigning pointless numbers. His current "date" at the host club wishes that she were with the super-cool Number 1 host, not the totally lame Jones-san. She asks if this is the right job for him. At the end, Jones-san thinks that, well, at least the tanning salons are great. FYI, make sure to watch for the "New Face" photo of Jones-san at the beginning of the commercial, and the golden and "hip" Jones-san at the end.

In an update on my last post about the natto diet craze... they lied! They apparently totally lied!! I don't really care either way, since I honestly do like natto and don't even own a scale, so it's not like I'd be able to tell whether the diet worked or not, but apparently they totally made up parts of the program. Oh well. I still had natto last night with dinner; I was just kinda hungry, that's all. I guess this probably means that the natto shortages will end. Poor natto! Gets such a hard rap...

And in another quick news post, I read this article yesterday that claims, shit you not, that the hottest new fashion item is man leggings. Oh, for the love of god, men of the world, do NOT follow this "fashion trend". You'll look like a moron! Women will avert their eyes from you!! Just... Oh just PLEASE do not listen!!!!

• Hurray for "Letters from Iwo Jima", which won one of the 6 million awards that will be handed out to movies in the next few months. It's coming out to Japan this weekend, so there's a high probability that I will drag John out with me. Over here, they keep talking about how Nino is really good and how he might even get nominated for an award of some sort. I just have to say that if Nino gets nominated for an Oscar? I will laugh until tears run down my face. I mean, I'd be glad for him, go-go Johnny's power and all, but you'd have to admit, that'd be hysterical. I still giggle when I remember Nino's face at the Tokyo Film Festival when he accidentally invited Clint Eastwood to an Arashi concert.  Clint was kinda like, "Oh, I'd love to see little Nino on stage." And then Nino kinda looked panicked. Good times.
  
• My job sometimes makes me laugh. Last week-ish, I translated this customer support FAQ for Camera Company Z. So I translated it, and they sent it back today with some revisions. Interestingly enough, every single revision is wrong. So basically, I've been going through and rewriting their rewrites, or sometimes just plain changing things back to the way I translated it. I'm not a nice enough person, so I will completely say that this makes me laugh. (Well, I mean, c'mon, you're paying me for a reason. Let me do my job.)
  
  One of the biggest problems comes with the word 撮影 (satsuei). It seems like a simple enough translation at first. As a verb, it can mean something like "to take a picture" or "to shoot a photograph" or "to film something". Which seems simple and direct enough at first, but it's really not. First, the verb "to shoot" has various meanings that the Japanese employees at Company Z don't seem to understand, and although it's a camera FAQ and everyone understands the context, you'd probably still like to stay away from sentences like, "I want to shoot a stage from above." Not wrong, persay, but isn't the longer option "take a photograph of" much nicer and un-sniper-y? Second, someone at Company Z is apparently allergic to the word "photograph" (is it because it's a digital camera? they still take stupid photographs; get over it!). Which is fine, really, except that they replaced half of my "photograph"s with "shoots", so I ended up with sentences like, "I want to add the date to a shoots" or "How do I take shoots with manual focus?" Yeah... I just switched it back.
  
• Finally, a list of really random links that I found amusing:
• Six-word sci-fi stories
  Hemingway's six-word story is still the best, and many of the authors have six-word comments, not six-word stories, but there are still some amusing ones.
• Bad English subtitles in Hong Kong films
  They make me laugh. 11. I'll fire aimlessly if you don't come out!
• Bad English mistranslations
  Part of me feels bad because I totally know what these translators must have gone through, and because, for the most part, I can see where they went wrong. Having said that, it's really really funny:
  From a brochure of a car rental firm in Tokyo: When passenger of foot heave in sight, tootle the horn. Trumpet him melodiously at first, but if he still obstacles your passage then tootle him with vigor.