Aino Minako-chan

This has been making its way around the internets, but I just hate to think that anyone would miss the hilarity. Disclaimer: I love Bonnie Tyler's song "Total Eclipse of the Heart". It's one of those big epic over-the-top rock ballads. Little Minako-chan used to turn it up on the radio and watch the video on MTV, that's how much I liked the song. Having said that, the video makes no freaking sense. It's honestly just mind-bogglingly weird. There's fencers and shirtless schoolboys and a very literal take on the lyrics "Turn around bright eyes". It's just SO weird.

Which is why the LITERAL version of the video, in which the original lyrics are replaced by descriptions of the video, is so good. I weep with laughter every time I see this video.

( The Original Version )

( The Literal Version )

In conclusion, it's still a great song, but the video, wtf?

I saw him again! As I mentioned twice before, there's an awesome guy at my gym. And today, while walking around in Shinjuku, I think I saw him again! Okay, so I was walking along, and I saw this person from the back. At first, I thought it was a middle-aged woman, but the outfit... yellow turtleneck, yellow socks, Birkenstocks, and teeny TEENY khaki shorts that not only displayed rather significant amounts of ass cleavage, but also appeared to be giving the world's most painful-looking wedgie. As this person also had long hair tied into a side ponytail (with a hairband attached to a giant pink flower) and was also carrying a purse that (although I wasn't close enough to see the entire pattern) would have likely worked as a purse for My Little Pony or Care Bears, I assumed that said person was a woman. But then, as said person turned a corner, I caught a glimpse of this person's profile, and there was a rather significant beard. I couldn't tell for sure if it was actually gym guy, but I'd be rather frightened if there was more than one of him hanging around Shinjuku.

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Some videos I should mention... There's a commercial for Combat (a cockroach insecticide) that never fails to make me howl with laughter:

( Cut for the YouTube embedded version. )

You can watch the YouTube version (bigger but low quality) or you can visit the web site (teeny but high quality). Long story short, it's got the Johnny's-related idol group Butokan doing a very idol version of this insecticide commercial, and it ends with a very dramatic, "Gokuburi (cockroach), to the heaven." Seriously, I WEEP with laughter.

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Also, http://www.dothetest.co.uk/ has a new version of their awareness videos. The original one "Basketball" is still incredible, but the new version "Whodunnit?" is equally pretty awesome.

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Finally, my parents are currently in Hawaii visiting relatives, and they went to my cousin's graduation. Now, Hawaiian graduations are always celebrated by giving the graduate leis. Basically everyone the graduate knows sends a lei, so every graduate can end with piles of flowers. (Even I, when I graduated in Colorado, ended up with two fresh flower leis and a ribbon lei from relatives.) Monday is Memorial Day in the US. (For non-Americans, this is the day for commemorating soldiers who died in battle. A separate day, Veterans Day, is set aside for other veterans.) In honor of Memorial Day, a large veterans cemetary in Punchbowl (Honolulu) asked for donated leis, as they cover each grave in a lei. They needed 50,000 leis. They apparently now have too many leis, but they're still collecting anyway. My mom said that at my cousin's graduation, they had a box near the exit. Anyone who wanted to donate the leis after the pictures and all were over could drop the leis off in the box. Sounds amazing... I'd like to see that.

A couple of Daily Show links so I don't lose them:

The one where Al Sharpton didn't show up, but they interviewed him anyway. Classic.
The Banana Episode. If you've seen it, you'll know why it's called that.
The Pancake-and-Sausage-on-a-Stick plus Baconnaise Lite. Come for the political commentary, stay for the gross-out food combination.

On a side note, I was thinking about it, and I realized that I'm actually quite the long-time viewer of The Daily show. I watched The Daily Show back in the day that Craig Kilborn hosted, back when their news stories tended to be gawker-esque weird stories (lots of UFO hunters and foil hats and Bigfoot) and they had classic segments like "the weekend's top grossing films, converted into lira". (Note: It depresses me to think that A) kids these days won't remember this segment, and B) kids these days probably won't remember lira.) I actually remember when Kilborn left and Jon Stewart stepped in; I was SO pissed. Here was this guy who I only knew from a failed talk show on MTV (a talk show on MTV! MTV will show anything and they cancelled his show!) taking over one of my favorite shows. He even stopped asking interview guests the infamous five questions; I nearly boycotted right there. And now look... Oh the irony.

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I realize that this article about online child predators shouldn't be funny, but the beginning of the article nearly made me howl with laughter:

[The special agent, posing as a 14-year-old boy,] claimed he was into weightlifting, AC/DC and muscle magazines.

OMG, and you're wondering why people doubt that you're actually 14? Do you honestly think that the average American teenaged boy is listening to AC/DC?

I have to share this fruit-flavored gum commercial starring Johnny's group KAT-TUN. It never fails to make me laugh:



To translate roughly, it goes like this:

KAT-TUN looks very cool, but inside their mouthes, they're-
Ve--ry fruity!!

That's right! KAT-TUN is fruity in their mouths! I howl with laughter every single time it comes on TV. Talk about meaning getting lost in translation...

I've been surprisingly busy the past two weeks or so. I'm leaving this weekend for a trip to Greece with kinomakoto, and I'm super excited. My laundry isn't quite done and my apartment probably won't get cleaned before I go, but I'm basically ready. Hurray! Excitement!

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A few weeks ago, I was watching one of the millions of animal related TV shows in Japan, and they showed an edited version of a clip known as ( Battle at Kruger. )

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Before Crisis, the Final Fantasy VII cell phone game, just came out for my current model of cell phone, so I said "What the hell!" and I downloaded it. ( Cut for those who don't really care. ^_^ )

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( Cut for those who actually care about my previous poll... )

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( And in completely random news... )

I feel like it's been a long month. My boss took his week-long vacation to Israel, and all of us tend to get lost when he's gone, so I worked some long-ish nights that week. Then on Monday, I had to take the morning off of work to get my yearly physical done. (Top things that you don't want to hear in the doctor's office: "Sorry!" "Oh dear." "Ganbatte kudasai!" For cereal. >_<) Plus, we received homework at work. In order to receive our bonuses, we have to copy out, by hand, the 65 pages of our 2008 company plan booklet. It's seriously enough to make a girl cry. I'm trying to do 30 minutes after work each day, but then I'll have to step up the pace to get it done this weekend. It's absolutely horrible, and my hand's been cramping for two days straight.

Anyway, here are some links to stuff that's made me smile:

• Muppet Troy! And other inspired responses to our movie-remake contest. By Dana Stevens

A little article from The Slate had two movie-remake ideas that made me laugh:

[...] "I, Robot with Christian Bale in the lead role, because I'd be curious to see if Bale would have his arm surgically replaced with a robotic arm to prepare for the role."

This is awesome mainly becuase I think Christian Bale would actually do it. Method for the win! But the best movie remake idea was obviously:

I would remake Troy with the Muppets, in the belief that Kermit the Frog and Miss Piggy would add more gravitas to the story as Achilles and Helen than the living actors did. I would use a nearly identical script but include Statler and Waldorf (the two grumpy old guys in the balcony) so that they could read from the Iliad and note where the script favors plot points lifted from Steve Reeves and Michael Bay movies instead of Homer. Unlike the original, Muppet Troy would also allow for kid-friendly merchandising, such as Baby's First Trojan Horse.

• LIT 101 CLASS IN THREE LINES OR LESS. by Ben Joseph

This was a little find from McSweeney's. Most were fairly funny, but it was the following that killed me:

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe
C.S. LEWIS: Finally, a utopia ruled by children and populated by talking animals.
THE WITCH: Hi, I'm a sexually mature woman of power and confidence.
C.S. LEWIS: Ah! Kill it, lion Jesus!

I think that last line is my new catch phrase.

• Have other people seen this? http://www.dothetest.co.uk/ It's a really great video that works best when you don't know what it's about. Just follow the instructions and count carefully. If you do this right, you'll be pleasantly surprised by the results.


• Infinite Undiscovery is an RPG being published by Square Enix for the Xbox 360. It looks like a fairly standard RPG so far, but the reason why I already adore it is the title. It's like the developers went, "We need to make an RPG for the Xbox that is totally not like Final Fantasy. So not 'final'.. It'll be... infinite! Infinite Fantasy! No, Infinite Unfantasy!! No no, I've got it, Infinite UNDISCOVERY!" Seriously, doesn't the title sound like something that was the result of a late night meeting involving way too much beer and someone repeating the phrase "Final Fantasy" one too many times?


• Sakamoto Maaya's latest single Triangular (the "Macross F" anime theme song) has been doing surprisingly well on the single charts, but the reason why I bring it up is because on my morning TV show, they said something about how she's become more and more famous thanks to her musical roles. So I looked it up quickly... Turns out she was one of the actresses who played the roll of Eponine in Les Mis from 2003-2007. Huh, go Sakamoto Maaya! And you mean I missed a chance to hear her as Eponine? Damn.


• As mentioned on kinomakoto's LJ, THEY'RE MAKING A HERE IS GREENWOOD TV DRAMA. Oh be still my beating heart. Greenwood is one of my favorite anime and manga of all time, so I am super-de-duper excited. Having said that... I already disagree with the casting of Shun, and I seriously doubt that anything can change my mind. I honestly think that they should have cast a female actress (for those who don't know the series, the entire joke about Shun is that he looks (and acts, for the most part) exactly like a really cute girl; the lead character Suka-chan rooms with Shun for several days before figuring it out, and that's only because he finally walks in on Shun at a urinal). I'm sure that the guy playing Shun is perfectly nice, but it's tough when you think that they cast a character as the wrong SEX. But the guy playing Suka-chan is cute like a bunny, so we'll see.


• Just when I think that I'm starting to get used to living in Japan... Without talking too much about the show, I was watching this normally funny "talk with celebrities" program, and they were discussing "kawaii" and women being cute. Anyway, they had three examples (sent in from actual viewers) on the topic "Things that I do to make myself seem cuter": Purposely walking slow behind a guy and complaining, before jogging up and tugging on his sleeve; pretending to get caught in clothing while taking off sweaters or whatever; making expressive little hand gestures to emphasize emotions like sadness or shock.
  
  I would just like to say that these are not only all actions that annoy me, these are all actions that actually make me raging mad. Every. Single. One. I was ready to hit something just after watching the little reenactment videos. That, or start screaming, "OMG, it's your fault that women can't advance in the workplace!" My rage almost overwhelmed my desire to start sobbing on behalf of double-X chromosomes everywhere. I felt ill after watching this little comedy program. Honestly ill. Don't make me smack a bitch, Japan! I'll do it! I totally totally will! Minako-chan smash!!


• In better news, Superfly's new album hit #1 on the charts. I adore Superfly. She's this teeny girl with massive vocal power who reminds you more of Janis Joplin or Grace Slick or some other 60's powerhouse vocalist. I quite like her; I have a soft spot for teeny powerhouses (see: TMR). Go go Superfly!

Okay, so Mommy arrived in Tokyo yesterday. It was also, coincidentally enough, her birthday, so I brought out presents and some little cakes for dessert. We got to talk a lot over dinner, and it was good to have her around. Anyway, she told me the most hysterical story that I simply had to share.

Mom was apparently at the grocery store and scanning her items at the self-checkout lane. After she finished, she checked to make sure that she wasn't missing anything, and that's when she noticed some money dropped on the edge of the scanner. However, it wasn't just a normal dropped bill; it was folded tightly into a little square shape. It was odd, but my mom picked it up anyway and brought it home. (The motto of our household in regards to dropped money is "Yeay! Free money!" We're the type of people who stop to pick up pennies and nickels on the sidewalk. If you find a dime... whooo! Party time!)

Anyway, Mommy brought the groceries home, and finally got around to the dropped bill. She unfolded it... and she said she was shocked when she found white powder inside. She didn't know what to do, so she flushed it. (She was mostly concerned that she was traveling in a few days, and the bill had been in her purse.) She contemplated tasting a bit, just to check, but she realized that she wouldn't know what illegal drugs tasted like, anyway, so decided it was better she leave things alone.

I couldn't stop laughing when she told me this story. I have no idea if it was real or just a prank, but I keep imaging a guy standing behind my mom in the checkout line, cursing to himself and trying to figure out if there's a way he can claim a previous dropped dollar bill.

• OH SWEET BABY JESUS I JUST GOT PROM PHOTOS FROM MY LITTLE COUSIN. I AM OFFICIALLY OLD. Honestly, if you had asked me how old he was last week, I would have said 11. It's SCARY.

• I've also been in bodily pain a lot recently. (lol) Ever since high school, I've had an unfortunate tendency to hyperextend my left knee if I overstretch, and that's exactly what I did at the gym last week. (stupid knees...) Then we had our annual bowling tournament at work (okay individual score; top team score for the win!), and then yesterday I ended up wandering all around Tokyo looking for a birthday present for my Mom. (Well, present for Mommy, from Daddy. I still have to get my own present tomorrow. ;-_-) And did I mention that I was carting books around all day, too? Long story short, I woke up sore all over. Tomorrow's a holiday, but I need to do more cleaning and shopping for Mommy's visit, so I don't think there'll be much relaxing. Le sigh... It's so tough being a grown up. ^_^

• I was trying to come up with a name for a color at work, so I ended up visiting the Crayola homepage, followed by a brilliant Wikipedia page showing all of the Crayola crayon colors, and I gotta tell you, I was kinda shocked. Did you know that they got rid of Raw Umber? (I fondly remember organizing Raw Umber and Raw Sienna next to Burnt Sienna and Burnt Orange, even though the colors really weren't close enough in appearance to warrent such an order...) Or that they replaced Maize with Dandelion? (Dude, the only reason why I knew what maize was as a kid was entirely due to my love of the color!!) And the new colors introduced since the 90's tend to have horrible, HORRIBLE names like "Wild Watermelon" or "Mauvelous" or "Fuzzy Wuzzy Brown" (SHOOT ME NOW). There is also, interestingly enough, the horrifically named color "Beaver", which just makes me bite my lip and try not to giggle. What are you doing to my childhood obsession, Crayola?

Has everyone seen this? http://garfieldminusgarfield.tumblr.com/ It's Garfield, without Garfield, and it's one of the funniest things I've ever seen. Brilliant.

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I also read that the final Harry Potter book will be broken into two movies so that they don't have to worry about cutting out information. I will fully admit that my first thought was, "Oh, that is a horrible horrible idea." I understand what producer David Heyman says about it being difficult to cut anything from the book. It's the last book, afterall, so there's no time to slip information into the story at a later point. But making two movies out of the book sounds absolutely horrid.

( More about Harry Potter... )

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In random Japan news, there have been recent articles about proposed revisions to the bicyling rules, which actually involve fewer changes and more crack downs on unsafe riding practices, such as wearing headphones, talking on the phone, or holding an umbrella. The reason these changes have been coming up in the news, however, have been because of the crackdown on people who ride with three people on one bicyle: one adult riding with a kid in a back basket and another kid a front basket.

( More about bicycles in Japan... )

Okay, so I'm translating a catalog right now, and one of the items for sale is 500 ml of Scotch sold in a plastic water bottle. I'm supposed to be writing this crap about how it's so nice and convenient in a trendy portable size, but all I'm having trouble coming up with a way that doesn't make it sound completely cheap and sleazy. "Comes with free paper bag to hide your shame from the world as you glug your cares away in the middle of the park!!" I'm sorry, but it's a freaking plastic bottle of Scotch. It doesn't get much tackier. At least it doesn't come with one of those squirtable sports drink tops. THAT would be awesome-tastic.

FYI, as some of you may have noticed, Senshi Gakuen is completely down. Yes, we know. No, we don't know why. I can't really help from Tokyo, so poor kinomakoto has to try and fix things all by herself. Ganbare, Mako-chan! Faito, Mako-chan! I will, of course, post something once I know what's what. We've never had major problems with the web site before, so it's really strange to have everything crap out within the past few months. ^_^;

Vacation is almost here, and I'm so excited!

( Flying Excitement! )

( Family Excitement! )

( Work Excitement! (Part I) )

( Work Excitement! (Part II) )

( Variety Show Excitement! )

( Net Excitement! )

As most of you probably already know, I'm going home in a week, and I am soooo excited. I realize that I'm probably talking about it too much, but not only is my first Xmas at home in 4 years, but it's also the first reunion of our immediate family in, like, ever, so I think I get some slack. ^_^ In celebration(?), here's some news from the past week.

Hard Core Christmas Spirit
On my morning news program, they did a little segment about Christmas decorations in Japan, and how people save on electricity bills and all. One of the methods was using non-light-related decorations, like little balloon-type lawn figures and that sort of stuff. But one of the sample houses they showed? One wall of the house featured a giant picture of Mary holding baby Jesus. I thought it was hysterical. That is seriously hard core Christmas spirit for Japan.

My Niece Rocks (Part 1)
I mentioned previously that Detroit Niece started wearing glasses, and she looks too cute for words. She's an active three-year-old, so I was hoping that she wouldn't be bothered by things on her face. But word is that she LOVES her glasses. See, she doesn't know anyone else with glasses at her preschool. And the only other people she knows are adults. Therefore, she has come to the conclusion that glasses are big girl accessories, and that she is obviously far superior to her peers if she gets to wear glasses and they don't. It's rather hysterical toddler logic, and I absolutely adore her super-positive spin on the situation.

My Niece Rocks (Part 2)
Yet another story about why this niece of mine rocks. They've apparently got a fake Christmas tree at their house, so my niece has never been to a tree farm to get their Xmas tree. Therefore, when she first saw a car with a Christmas tree strapped to the roof, she apparently started shrieking, and told her parents very excitedly, "Look! They have salad on their car!!!" Everyone in the family thinks it's a hoot, and no one can figured out why she called it salad. My own attempt at decoding toddler logic says that A) Trees and plants stand upright and B) The thing on the car was not upright, therefore C) The thing on the car cannot be a tree or plant. But D) It was still green and leafy, ergo E) It must be salad.

My Boss is Cooler Than Your Boss (Part 64)
I've mentioned the awesomeness of my boss and his many hobbies before, but after learning Arabic last year and starting to make his very own Middle Age-esque sheepskin book, he decided that it would be fun to learn Arabic calligraphy. And since he's my boss, he doesn't just go at it half-assed. He's apparently in some sort of correspondance course with a calligraphy master living in Israel. It sounds like this calligraphy master is a good teacher, and my boss doesn't want to let the guy down, so he's started practicing during lunch. I have no idea what anything means, but everything that I've seen is pretty impressive. Seriously, I want to be my boss when I grow up.

Danger: Avoid Death
Some of you might have heard of this, but I read an article about some organization chose the best idiotic warning labels of the year. As someone who ends up translating warning labels many times a year, I can honestly say that some of it is pretty detailed. You can see the winners on the web page here, including the best warning label of the year: Danger: Avoid Death. Now, that's a pretty wacky warning label, but seriously? Visit the web site and check out the picture that goes along with it. That's the actual highlight of the warning. I nearly choked on my lunch when I saw it. Ohhh, you gotta love the American legal system that necessitates this sort of stuff....

Well, I turned another year older on Sunday. Happy Birthday to me! In celebration, johnabe invited me over for a Wii party. (Technically, it was a Wii-and-Xbox-360 party, but that doesn't roll off the tongue quite as easily.) Wii Sports was fun (I wasn't particularly good at any of them, but I completely wore myself out boxing and managed to hit a homerun in baseball), and John showed me some things on the 360, including the demo for the Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix game (I basically spent the entire time levitating benches and then hurling them into characters) and something really psychadelic involving lots of bright lights and a giraffe.

To celebrate, I present two links for your viewing pleasure.

1. WILL PLUTO PREVAIL?
As I noted previously, poor Pluto was demoted from its planetary status, but now, could the Pluto supporters be gaining ground!? Basically the entire debate makes me laugh, so I am fully willing to follow any and all Pluto news to the end.

2. The best commercial, EVER.
The 6th season of "24" is about to come out on DVD in Japan, and the commercials are simply awesome. In a nutshell: clips play as the Japanese voice actor for Jack Bauer (Koyama Rikiya, for those who are interested), sings a triumphant song entitled, "I am Jack Bauer." I found the following YouTube clip that includes two extended versions of the commercial. (FYI, each of the two extended versions include four of the TV-sized commercials.)

( Click here for the clip and hastily translated lyrics. Seriously. Best commercial, EVER. )

There is the awesome-est guy at my gym, seriously. I so wish that I had a camera in my brain, just so I could show everyone what I mean when I refer to his awesomeness. I usually run into him at the pool. He's not fat by any means, even though he's got a substantial beer belly, but he's solid; he's not a small guy. He's middle-aged, but he's a perfectly even shade of carmel all over (and I'm pretty sure it's ALL over), and he's got long brown hair down to the middle of his back. But all of this pales in comparison to his bathing suit: it's a teeny neon pink banana hammock. Seriously, I nearly choked on the pool water the first time I saw him. Totally awesome.

But wait! It gets better! I finally saw him leaving the gym in his street clothes, and I nearly walked into a wall from the awesomeness. He obviously let his hair flow gracefully behind him, but he was wearing a bright yellow tank top, layers of necklaces and (here's the good part) itty bitty jean shorts. And when I say shorts, I mean SHORTS. Like, they were shorter than your average Daisy Dukes; these were teeny tiny shorts. BUT WAIT, that's not even the best part!!! The best part? These teeny shorts were not zipper front, or even button... they were LACE UP front. And it gets better still! The shorts weren't fully laced!!! The bright yellow shoe strings were tightened up the front, but NOT TIED. I assume that there had to be buttons underneath, otherwise it seems that it would be physically impossible to keep those things on, but the overall effect is the same. I nearly died.

And so, I salute you, Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym.

Most people would let public decency, or at the very least, fear of pulling a full monty in the middle of Tokyo, distract them from their desire to wear itty bitty clothing, but not you!

You wear clothing that says, "Look at me. I am a man. And if I sneeze, I'll end up proving it to you." (Does it feel breezy?)

So here's to you, Mr. Teeny Tiny Shorts Wearing Guy At My Gym. May you continue to show courage in the face of modern decency. Just try not to show anything else.

I am not even shitting you, but I bought the newest Pepsi flavor today in Japan, and it is [drumroll please...]

No, seriously, it's a normal Pepsi, albeit a pale neon green color, with the "refreshing" aftertaste of cucumbers. And it... actually tastes like cucumbers. I wouldn't go so far as to say that it's a BAD drink, but it's weird. It's about 20 stages of weird. And drinking too much at one time makes me feel somewhat ill. It's just... dude, it's cucumber Pepsi.

ETA: Don't drink it too fast, either. Because if the carbonation builds up in your tummy, you'll end up burping cucumber flavored bubbles. And THAT my friends, THAT is a strange feeling.

So my mommy and daddy are in Canada to visit Canadian Sister and family. Apparently, Canadian Niece #2 is a freak. (lol) She's 7-1/2 months old, and has apparently decided "Screw this crawling shit; I'm learning to walk." She doesn't crawl so much as push herself onto her hands and balls of her feet and walk herself forward, and she already knows how to pull herself up into a standing position. She likes the standing position so much that she gets upset if you stick her in her playpen, which has soft walls that can't support her body weight. Also, and this is even weirder, she apparently cries like a banshee when you try to give her food. I have no idea why. Mom says that it's tricky trying to give her a bottle, because she sobs like someone's pulling her toes off when you stick it in her mouth. Canadian Sister and Brother-in-law said that you just have to keep the bottle in her mouth, and eventually she'll stop crying long enough to drink an inch or two of formula. She's apparently always been like that and won't eat much at one sitting, so they just have to feed her more times in a day. I can't wait to meet her. I've only seen her in pictures, so all I know is that she has absolutely massive blue eyes; she is SO CUTE. I love my weird neices and nephew. ^_^

Also, I found this on a blog somewhere:

1. Go to Google.com
2. Click on "Maps".
3. Click on "Get Directions".
-- From: New York, New York
-- To: Paris, France
4. Read direction number 23. (Note: For me, it was step 21...)
If you laugh, repost this.

I did indeed laugh. Oh, the wonderment of the internets...

I haven't been doing too much lately. Mainly work, intercut with Tokimeki Memorial Girl's Side: 1st Love for Nintendo DS. TokiMemo love!! I've been mainly processing the guidebook into easier, web-based form (No seriously! TokiMemo takes lots of serious planning! For reals!) so I've gotten to play with charts and css and everyone's been happy.

• Face masks
  Anyway, I was sick last week, and so I wore a pink face mask to work. Most foreigners in Japan immediately notice that people on trains or in public places sometimes wear what looks like surgical face masks. Often people think that it's to keep pollutants and pollen and germs out, but actually most of the time, it's used to keep germs IN. More than anything else, wearing a mask is the way to tell people around you, "I'm not feeling well. Pity me." If you're sniffling and coughing and bleeding from your ears, you're just uncouth and gross. If you're slightly red-eyed and wearing a mask, suddenly everyone is asking your if you're feeling alright, and telling you not to stress yourself. It's magic!!
  
• Open urinals
  I read this article the other day, and it made me laugh. It's called "Going Abroad", and it's about bathrooms for travelers around the world. Anyway, one of my favorite comments about bathrooms was this: Or the thoroughfare arrangement, in which female customers have to walk past the urinals to get to their toilet, as I've seen in Japan.
  
  This reminded me of one year at a fireworks festival with johnabe. We just happened to find a location that, while upwind, had a perfectly clear view of the portable toilets. And among the row of portable toilets, we had the best view of the portable urinals. Hysterically enough, the portable urinals had NO DOORS, so it was basically just a step up from peeing into a bush. John and I were laughing hysterically at the fact that the urinals were positioned proudly in the middle of the fireworks festival for anyone who wanted to pee in front of hundreds of screaming kids and friendly couples.
  
• Medieval tech support
  My sister sent me this link. It's apparently a clip from a Norwegian sketch comedy show, subtitled in English and Dutch. For that reason alone, the clip is awesome, but the sketch is pretty amusing. Check it out!

So I was out at lunch today with my boss, Yagi-san, and a few others. Yagi-san, my uber-cool, 30-ish boss, is already my language hero: he's fluent in English and Chinese, and has studied (for one reason or other) conversational Korean, French, Hindu, and Arabic. (I should point out that when I say he studied it, I don't mean like how most people will say that they studied Spanish in high school... I'm talking "taking out the pen and practicing Arabic script all lunch break" type of studying.) Anyway, language wise, he's insane cool.

But language isn't his only talent. One of the most famous stories at work, which I've heard many times and still enjoy hearing, is how he made his wife's wedding dress. Let me say that again, because I don't think I can say it enough. HE MADE HIS WIFE'S WEDDING DRESS. There was apparently BEADING involved. But today produced yet another Yagi-san tale:

Mimura-san: What about you, Yagi-san? Do you have artistic talents? I know you made your wife's wedding dress...
Yagi-san: Mmmmm, well I just like making things. Like recently, I've been working on book.
Minako-chan: Oh really? What kind?
Yagi-san: Sheepskin.

Yes, my boss Yagi-san is MAKING HIS OWN BOOK OUT OF SHEEPSKIN. And I'm talking MAKING A BOOK. Like, he apparently got a shipment of sheepskin from Hokkaido, still moist and covered in wool, that he shaved and prepared and stretched and dried by himself. "I'm thinking I'll go with deer next," he added. WTF!? He works all day translating, then goes home to stretch his freaking leather!?

johnabe posted a Youtube clip a few days ago that actually reminded me that I had been meaning to hunt down and share a wonderful series of Tommy Lee Jones commercials that aired in Japan for Boss, the canned coffee drink. I think they're hysterical, and since John already found them for me, I thought I'd share.

The commercials are an odd crossover between "Men In Black" and, well, Tommy Lee Jones. The basic "plot" involves an alien, "Jones-san", who is currently studying Earth by taking menial jobs, and then drinking Boss coffee after a hard day's work.

Jones-san, the warehouse employee
The boss introduces the new employee, "Jones-san". Jones comments that Earthlings are obsessed with working hard. An old sempai shows Jones-san the ropes, then compliments him on a job well done.

Jones-san, the Deliveryman
Part 1
Part 2
Jones-san, the deliveryman, comments that Earthlings put a lot of emphasis on speed and wonders why they have to hurry so much. But, he notes at the end, the parking laws are very strict.

Jones-san, the Karaoke attendent
Jones-san complains about the endless noise that these Earthlings seem to call music. But Enka-singer Yashiro Aki makes him cry.

Jones-san, the newbie Host
Jones-san muses that Earthlings enjoy competition and assigning pointless numbers. His current "date" at the host club wishes that she were with the super-cool Number 1 host, not the totally lame Jones-san. She asks if this is the right job for him. At the end, Jones-san thinks that, well, at least the tanning salons are great. FYI, make sure to watch for the "New Face" photo of Jones-san at the beginning of the commercial, and the golden and "hip" Jones-san at the end.